Life Changing Transformations to become “UN-stuck”:

In Conversation with Soul Centred Psychotherapist Anita Bentata…  ANITA_Bentata_cmbb

Anita Bentata is a Melbourne Psychotherapist and Health Coach who helps her clients recognise blocks and triggers so they can respond powerfully and effectively to obstructions/life events/limited beliefs and/or ‘bad’ habits. Her holistic approach works with the mind and the body, the conscious and the unconscious to support her clients with stress and overwhelm and towards being as capable, clear, healthy and fulfilled as possible.

Here’s what she had to say…

 – About your practice: Where it is, who do you work with and the services you offer?  

I work from home and create a space that I feel creates a comfortable place for people to be in.  My practice is in East St. Kilda, Melbourne, Australia. I have been working in private practice since 2003 however previously I worked in a Community Counselling Agency.  I am a qualified Soul Centred Psychotherapist.  I am also qualified as a Health Coach.  The training as a Health Coach encompassed food and movement as well as the other areas of life which impact our health: work, relationships, spirituality, sense of self and more. I provide Psychotherapy and Counselling to adults of all ages.  I work short term and long term, the process suits the individual.  I also offer Supervision to Counsellors.  Health Coaching may be part of the Psychotherapy session or in an individual session to focus on health issues.

– What is Soul Centred Psychotherapy? How does SCP help people change?

I could go on and on about what is Soul Centred Psychotherapy!  It is an experience that is felt rather then understood through words but I will attempt to give a description.  Soul Centred Psychotherapy is highly sophisticated and complex and yet it is simple. It is about the mind and the body.  It is about everything that is in between.  It is about the conscious and the unconscious.  It is about the personal, the familial and the collective.  It is the experience of being with at a very deep level. It is unique with each client and even in each session.  It is ‘talk therapy’ and also experiential in a wide variety of ways.  It is a way of engaging with the self and experience which transforms.  It is an art of being and connection to instinct on how to be with your unique self and your experience with curiosity, resources and more. Soul Centred Psychotherapy allows resolution rather than mastery and coping.  It provides tools for life.  It is life changing.  Soul Centred Psychotherapy fits to you rather than you fit to it. Within Soul Centred Psychotherapy there is in-depth theory about child and adult development as well as trauma; the brain, body and energy system as a whole unit, as well as the impact of the self, mind and body; so each person is seen for their unique life events which have shaped them and their process is shaped to respond to their characterlogical structure and psyche. Soul Centred Psychotherapy does not ‘help people change’, nor does it ‘fix’ people more coming from the approach that people are not broken nor are they wrong in how they are; but are needing something to move the person beyond the ‘stuck’ place.  That the ‘change’ is more about progression from a more limited way of responding rather than fixing.  Assisting a client to move from the ‘stuck’ place to a natural resourced state.

– How do you think people change and what supports long lasting change?

Soul Centred Psychotherapy does not use ‘will power’ or positive thinking to create change in someone’s life as both of these run out; rather it helps find the blocks that are locked in consciously and unconsciously and resolves what is needed; whilst also supporting what is positively needed to develop once these blocks have been removed.  In this way, the sense of self, flow of energy, clarity of experience and being can flourish feeling satisfied and capable.In a more scientific explanation, I would say Soul Centred Psychotherapy not only works with the unconscious and conscious, but also with developing the neural pathways and re-aligning the energy system which is involved with the different patterns of responding.We all know we lose our energy when we feel overwhelmed or stuck.  Energy is behind all thoughts and actions.  Energy and choices is closely tied with the unconscious as well as the unconscious.   Working in this in-depth, structured and efficient way, with the conscious, unconscious, the brain and the body creates sustainable change as well as a flexible responsiveness that is available moving forward in life. Within the trust, safety and space which develops between the client and therapist;  a sacred relationship grows which combined with profound tools reaches in to the  unconscious limiting beliefs and behaviours and works to resolve and support those beliefs and behaviours to progress into their natural, creative and functional actions.  This process can develop in a short space of time because of the skills and ways of attending which are so present to the depth of what is coming into the room.  The client generally feels understood, sometimes for the first time; and is given a map to understand their process in a far more helpful way than they often have being relating to.

– For what types of issues is Soul Centred Psychotherapy particularly effective?

Whatever issue a person wants to bring in to therapy can generally be applied to Soul Centred Psychotherapy.  Relationships with the Self or with others, Work, Life Stages,  Confidence, Stress, Death, Separation, Anxiety, Depression, Spirituality, Parenting, a past issue which is unresolved, Trauma or something else.  Even if you do not have a clear issue and would like to just explore and feel curious.  Soul Centred Psychotherapy can be an avenue to connect to your Creative Self, your dream life and your unconscious.  It can be a ‘treat’ in connecting with oneself similar to going for a massage.

– How did you become interested in  working as a psychotherapist?

I first studied a Bachelor of Human Services (Human Behaviour) at Monash University.  I loved this course however when I was employed in a Community Counselling agency I found I wanted more skills and ways of understanding and making a difference to the clients I was working with. They had extreme trauma and I felt inadequate that ’empathy’ and ‘logical words / talking’ were not enough to make a difference to their pain and life challenges. I also knew this to be true personally as I had previously been to see a number of Counsellors and had been disappointed in their limited ways of helping or getting to the core of my issues.  I had previously worked in book-keeping and accounts and went into therapy myself when I left a violent relationship.   It was when I discovered a Soul Centred Psychotherapist that I felt understood and deep change happened in my life. I then felt called to change careers.

– What can a client expect to experience in an initial therapy session with you?

I always tell people that a good fit in therapy is not only the skills and experience a therapist has, but also their personality.  So the initial phone call, as well as the first session is an opportunity to meet each other and for me to take in your situation.   It also gives you an opportunity to experience how I work and for you to see if you like me, as well as if you feel or sense that we connect and I ‘get’ you and your situation. A new client coming for an initial session can expect me to help them to become as comfortable as they can be, so they can speak about what has brought them to contact me.  I will ask questions to understand and determine their situation and what they will need to resolve their issue as well as to understand how their mind body system has developed its unique coping style.  I will share my thoughts and understandings for us to come to shared point of reference.  In the context of what is shared, I will share and illustrate models of being with their situation from a Soul Centred approach.  I check in with the client as we go along, so I make sure you are staying in an optimal arousal zone and not becoming overwhelmed or stressed  by any part of the process.  I will share ways of taking care of yourself if required so you stay in a comfortable zone.  I will do my best to attend to your verbal and non verbal communications. You will leave with a tool to help their brain and body connect and relax.

– What differences do you see in the outcomes of your clients between regular “talk therapies” and Soul Centred Psychotherapy?

A number of clients come to me after trying different therapies and they report that  the regular ‘talk’ therapies would only go so far and could not resolve what they really needed.  They speak of understanding on a rational or logical level what was going on for them, but were not helped to be with how to get from their circumstance to the desired outcome.  The logical way of thinking or behaving that they wanted for themselves was only shown through using will power or rational forced thinking however they found they could tell themselves something but not be convinced by it or feeling in their bones or the cells of their body – so they were left feeling like they were going through the motions or failing the process. This is also what I commonly find, that most people know that they want to think or do things differently but the challenge is in making the change.

Unfortunately sometimes people are left feeling inadequate instead of the therapy mode not being able to provide what they needed. People leave Soul Centred Psychotherapy with resources and ways of attending to their whole experience with a greater emotional muscle to notice more of their experience and take care of themselves through their process.  They feel capable and resourced and often have me ‘whispering’ support and encouragement in their ear.

– On a personal note, what you’re passionate about or love to do in your spare time?

When I am not working I love spending time with my gorgeous family including my 3 grand children as well as my dear friends.   I love keeping active and love walking in nature.  A big passion of mine is street Latin dancing: Salsa and Bachata.  Being healthy and fit is really important to me so I spend time cooking, fermenting food and making Kombucha.  I also like to keep strong and flexible.  I am always trying new ways of moving and feeling alive.  I love continuing to engage in my own personal self development journey, reading and watching art house and European movies.

If you would like to book a therapy or health coaching session with Anita, please visit her page or connect with her on facebook

 

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Poetry for the SOUL

As I shared in an earlier Blog, I like reading poems to clients as it allows them to explore intimate feelings that are buried in their subconscious and helps them identify how these feelings relate to their current life circumstances.

The following poem which I have revisited again through an 8 week mindfulness course, facilitated by the inspiring Marike Knight from Cool Karma Collected, sums up the work of a good Psychotherapist to me:

When Someone Deeply Listens To You                      CMBB_Counselling_Melbourne_Alexandra_Bloch_Atefi_Listening_3

When someone deeply listens to you                                        it is like holding out a dented cup
you’ve had since childhood
and watching it fill up with
cold, fresh water.
When it balances on top of the brim,
you are understood.
When it overflows and touches your skin,
you are loved.

When someone deeply listens to you
the room where you stay
starts a new life
and the place where you wrote
your first poem
begins to glow in your mind’s eye.
It is as if gold has been discovered!

When someone deeply listens to you
your barefeet are on the earth
and a beloved land that seemed distant
is now at home within you.

— John Fox

 

 

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STRESS & the seasons of LIFE

Are you in your mid-thirties or early forties and feeling some kind of a vague uneasiness or inner restlessness?

I have definitely experienced phases like that but only made sense of it until recently when completing a coursera course on Emotional Intelligence by Richard Boyatzis.

According to June and Dan Levinson (who wrote about the seasons of a person’s life), around the age of 30 we’ll go through a period of transition that could last 2 to 7 years where we experience a cycle of excitement to boredom with our lives.

In the process we will try something new, do that for another 5 to 9 years until we enter another period of stock taking that leads us to questions like:

  • Is this going right?
  • Do I have to readjust it?
  • Do I have to find a new path?
  • Is this not the real me?

And then we do it again around 50, and around 60, and around 70, so it seems like a perpetual rhythm.

What I am trying to say:

Experiencing this sort of restlessness its nothing to feel guilty about even when everything is going well in your life or to feel ashamed of when your not as successful as you’d like to be. Its something to mindfully observe and navigate through by talking about it and reflecting on what is happening.

In her book, The New Passages (1995), Gail Sheehy interviewed men and women from different walks of life showing that this rhythm happens to all of us.

Staying in tune with where you are in the cycles is a very important part of building self-awareness and increasing your emotional intelligence.

The following exercise from Boyatzis, Richard and McKee, Annie (2005) “Resonant Leadership workbook”  will help you to invoke or elicit some of these different
reflections:

  • If I won $50 million after tax in a lottery, how would my life or work change?
  • What values or virtues are most important to me,?
  • If I was acting with these values and virtues would I feel proud of myself?
  • Would I want my mother to be proud of me?
  • What are the things I would love to do and live through before I die?

When answering these questions go into as much detail as possible. For example if one of your answers is about travelling, state where you’d like to travel to, for how long? What are the places you’d like to visit? What are the places you’d like to go back to? What are the places you might like to live for a while?
You may not be able to reach all of your goals and dreams but if you don’t identify them the probability that you’ll manifest them becomes very unlikely. On the other hand setting and clearly stating intentions is very powerful and can change the course of your life.

So ask yourself, if your life was everything you hoped for in 10 to 15 years, what would it be like, in terms of

  • your key relationships, your family, a partner or spouse?
  • your contributions to the community?
  • your physical health?
  • your spiritual health?
  • your work (both paid and volunteer)?

After you have written down these answers incorporate them into a personal vision essay. And then share that essay which describes your personal vision, with several people in your life who are important to you and with whom you have mutually supportive relationships.

Happy creating!

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Creativity – Part I

becreative_CMBB_Alexandra_Bloch-AtefiSparked on by my current coursera course “Creativity, Innovation, and Change” I felt inspired to write about creativity. I want to start off with debunking a basic myth:

“EVERYONE is CREATIVE!”

Yes, let that sink in for a moment. Creativity exists along a continuum. That can mean a big radical idea but also everyday problem solving. So while everyone is creative, their ways of being creative differs. This views belong to a new theory of creativity which is called the “Creative Diversity model”. Important scholars, like Michael Kirton, Robert Sternberg, and Teresa Amabile have contributed to it.

While creativity is one of the pillars of happiness and well-being – fact is that people are much less creative when they feel stressed, being judged or under pressure. Other counter-forces to creativity are FEAR, busyness, and needing CERTAINTY. Creativity is about taking risks and experimenting, trying new things and knowing that there can be many solutions to a problem.

To start your own creative journey you might want to ponder the following questions:

  • What is my creative level – my knowledge, skill, and experience?
  • What is my creative style – how do I prefer to approach change?
  • What motivates me to solve problems and bring about change?
  • And which opportunities interest and inspire me most?

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STRESS RELIEF – A personal EXPERIENCE

Stress comes at you from all angles anytime, any day. It does not wait for you to be ready for it. If you are not balanced or grounded then the tiniest thing can make you feel fatigued, tense, fed up and sometimes just weighed down!!!

I have lived with these types of sensations in my body for most of my life. Strangely enough when I explored my history from birth it was not surprising that I discovered that I had been exposed to the experience stress since I was born….though I have only realised this in the last few years!

I was born to very loving and caring parents, but at the time of my birth my mum was dealing with her father’s health deteriorating from lung cancer while my dad was trying to cope with his mother’s failing health. I was only 6 months old when these two grandparents passed away within a month of each other. It turns out this type of grief in a family is a lot to cope with but at 6 months of age it ends up being a lot of grief for a new little mind body system to endure.

During my child hood I experienced other events that put stress on my body such as the Ash Wednesday Fires where I snuck into my parent’s bedroom to peak out the window only to see the hills on fire.

Then there were the YEARS of emotional manipulation and physical hurt which was topped with the daily bullying at primary school…..and I wasn’t even 12 years old yet.

I could go on and on and in fact when I told ‘My Story’ to my peers during my 4 year Psychotherapy and Counselling course I realised exactly what my system had endured for those previous 32 years. I realised I hadn’t been managing my stress, anxiety, depression, overwhelm and tension, I had simply being pushing it down, ignoring it and not really letting people get close.

Whilst you may not consciously be aware of all the stress you have endured throughout your life, your mind body system is aware. It stores these experiences in the system and can trigger a state-dependant response at any time without warning. More often than not you wont be aware why you react a certain way to a situation or why a smell makes you feel a certain way BUT your mind body system remembers and knows.

With my experience it all felt ‘normal’ to me…..though through awareness that the mind body system remembers I began to wonder what had I done with all this stress? I thought I had just been pushing it ‘away’, sure I had, I had pushed it away down into my body which had to find its own way to express it and be heard.

Somatisation.

For those that are not aware somatisation is a tendency to experience and communicate psychological distress through the physical body. My expression of choice…..an temperamental nerve disorder, mouth ulcers, chest infections and a poor immune system. The phrase “you’re always sick” has been a common statement to me for years.

Thankfully before I realised all that my system had endured I had been introduced to some Stress Relief Techniques. When I was first introduced to Meridian Tapping, I would use it daily and the Bi-lateral stimulation music would be in my ears for up to 8 hours a day on some occasions, yet still my body craved more. It craved to be heard.

  • What do you do with your stress?
  • Are you like I was and ignore it, hope it will go away, think a walk will be enough to dispel it?

If you have had years of enduring stress and your body is starting to act out, I urge you to do something about it.

Meridian Tapping has helped me to control many things in my life and I use it most days. It helps metabolise the stress response in your body so that it is discharged from your body. Naming the issue, belief or stress can be a powerful thing on its own but when combined with the Mindful Meridian tapping it can make a lot of difference. Even with something as simple as noticing the present issue and your breath at the end of the tapping sequence can make you feel calmer and release tension from your shoulders.

So now that I know that I have resources and skills to call upon, my response to stress looks very different, most of the time. I have to remember though that I am not perfect and that some situations and comments can still cause stressful responses. This is OK.

I am often confronted with this at work (I have been a Clinical Researcher for over 11 years at a large internationally recognised medical institution and work with some chronically ill children). I now find my first point of call is to take a moment, put my hand on my belly and just breathe, paying attention to the breath as it moves in and out of my body. It gives my mind and my body a chance to pause for a moment allowing me to apply mindfulness to the situation. My initial reaction is often altered by this simple act and I usually choose to stand up, walk out to the balcony, take a few more mindful breaths and then return to where I need to be. I return to be in ‘the moment’ which allows me to deal with what needs to be dealt with.

On occasion where I need to release something quickly so it doesn’t continue to affect me I will rub the NLR (Neuro-Lymphatic Release) point and state something like “I release all the built up stress and tension from my body with each exhalation”. I may say it to myself or out loud (if no one is around), but will always say it 3 times or more.

It happens less often now but occasionally something will stay with me after I leave work or something that has particularly bothered me, which I know would create stress to be stored in my body, then I use the Meridian Tapping to ensure I release it. I still have some stuck stress to work through and now by listening to my body I know when it needs a break or some work and will utilise the techniques I mentioned either by myself, with my therapist or with a colleague.  I am sure you have all heard of the expression “You’re like an onion, one layer comes off but there are more underneath to get through”.

It appears that some people have a great threshold for absorbing what life throws at them, they don’t need help, and being able to talk to friends or family is enough. But if you are someone like me who absorbs the stress into their body, who has a short fuse at times, that always feels like their shoulders sit near their ears and who hears the statement “but you’re always sick” then perhaps you could benefit for learning some Stress Relief techniques. It really has changed my life and I shudder to think how I would be if I had not learnt the Meridian tapping, mindfulness, received the bi-lateral music, or discovered the amazing NLR.

About the author:

Julie is a qualified holistic counsellor and clinical researcher. She is counselling clients in private practice and facilitating Stress Relief Workshops. Check out our next Stress Relief Workshop at https://www.facebook.com/BringingCalmToTheBodyAndMind It will be an interactive and experiential afternoon where we provide you with some skills to help cope with daily stress, tension and anxiety. While also providing you with some techniques to energize yourself on those days when you just ‘don’t have the energy’!!!

For more info call Julie at 0417 355 761 or

email her at bringingcalmtobodymind@gmail.com

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MEANING and information in the NEW MILLENNIUM

I am very excited to have my mentor Dr Kaalii Cargill, (who has been an inspiration to me throughout my training as a Psychotherapist and continues to do so),  write a guest blog about our profession as Soul Centred Psychotherapists and meaning in life:

“This new millennium comes with ready access to information about every aspect of human life. How will we make use of this information?

Relationship seems to be the magic word or principle that weaves information and experience into a living, breathing responsiveness to ourselves, each other, and the world around us.

My own engagement with information and experience has led me to co-develop a therapeutic modality, publish 5 books, and focus on developing co-creative relationships in my life and work.

The therapeutic modality
Soul Centred Psychotherapy developed from a belief that we have a responsibility to examine the overt and covert assumptions and belief systems by which we live, and to find a way to sustain human life on Earth.

One of the underlying tenets of Soul Centred Psychotherapy is that the single most urgent task of the current time is reconnection with the feminine principle. This is related to values of cooperation, partnership and connectedness with nature, as distinct from patriarchal cultural values of conquest, exploitation and competition.

Western culture has traditionally valued mind and spirit (science and organised religion), and has neglected soul (the embodied experience of being human). Another word for embodied experience is immanence, that which is indwelling or inherent, “pervading the universe”.

New Age philosophies tend to emphasise transcendence: that which transcends human experience and is “not subject to the limitations of the physical universe”.

Soul Centred Psychotherapy holds that the immanence and transcendence are aspects of a single, inter-connected reality in which matter and spirit are not separate. This reality is experienced through immediate, living relationship with self, others and the world, and is inherent in the feminine principle.

The books
Central to my writing is the question “What if . . .?”

I have explored this question in fiction and non-fiction:

  • What if things are not what they seem?
  • What if the beliefs and norms of a culture are based on values that do not support healthy co-creative, living relationship with self, others, and the world?
  • What other stories are there?

In DON’T TAKE IT LYING DOWN: LIFE ACCORDING TO THE GODDESS, I examine the collective beliefs, attitudes and practices that bind women to a world view that denies the life-giving power of the feminine. When we discover what it is to be truly feminine, we reconnect with the experience of God as a woman–the Goddess in all her names. And when we invite the Goddess back into our lives, She changes everything She touches and everything She touches changes. The stories and sacred tasks in this book are keys that open doors to ancient mysteries which once guided people their lives. The Goddess waits patiently for us to come to her, and we must each travel our own journey to the deep feminine wisdom that embeds human experience within Nature and the natural rhythms and cycles of life and death, the eternal return, and seasonal changes.

In DAUGHTERS OF TIME, I weave history and myth into a story of three modern women, an ancient lineage, and a prophecy that can save the modern World from environmental catastrophe.

THE ELEMENT SERIES is a fantasy trilogy in which the dispossessed Wardens of the Land fight the Archpriests of the One God for the survival of the Old Ways that sustain life.

Co-creative Relationships
I have been blessed with family, friends, and meaningful, creative work with others. All of these have their challenges and their delights, and I continue to learn about relationship with myself, with others, and with the world.

Co-creative relationship includes qualities of being present in the moment, attending to self and other(s), empathic resonance, sincerity/authenticity, generosity, curiosity, and generative support for creative expression.

To support co-creative relationship, I ask the following questions about beliefs, fixed attitudes, and reactive feeling responses and behaviours (my own and those of others):

  • “Whom/what does it serve?”
  • “What is of value [to me, to other(s), to the world] here?”
  • “What does this mean–to me, to others, to the world?”
  •  “What will this current experience look/ feel/ be like if I can look back over my life in 5/10/20 years?”
  • “What might be possible here?

The only problem with those questions is that the rational, conscious mind CANNOT really answer them! The answers must arise from living relationship with a wider, more inclusive mind, the mind we meet in dreams, in the imagination, in creative expression, and in ongoing interconnectedness with the whole system(s) in which we live. This involves seeing through simplistic cause-effect, dualistic descriptions of the world (mind/body; us/them; nature/spirit etc.) and makes possible living relationship with self, others and the world.”

About the author:

Dr Kaalii Cargill, PhD, is a Psychotherapist, Psychologist, an accredited supervisor with PACFA, Director of the Kairos Centre for Soul Centred Psychotherapy, and an award winning author.

 


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Struggling as an introvert in an extrovert world?

You are in good company – Eleanor Roosevelt, Rosa Parks, Gandhi — all these peopled described themselves as quiet and soft-spoken and even shy. And they all took the spotlight, even though every bone in their bodies was telling them not to.” (Susan Cain, author of QUIET, the power of introverts).

Similarly, Dr. Marti Olsen Laney (author of The introvert advantage) notes that introversion is both common and normal (30 to 50% of the population are introverts).

Furthermore, many creative individuals, thinkers and distinguished leaders were introverts. Amongst them:

  • Thomas Edison
  • Charles Darwin
  • Albert Einstein
  • Abraham Lincoln
  • Alfred Hitchcock
  • Bill Gates
  • Mahatma Gandhi

However, being an introvert in extrovert oriented culture can be a painful experience. One of my client shared with me, how she often feels out of place in a world that’s so heavily geared towards being social and vocal, taking action and hogging the spot light. She recalls how at school she would feel more comfortable with a book at her desk than joining in the raucous banter with her classmates.

In contrast to commonly held believes, introverts are neither shy, nor do they lack confidence or social skills. They simply respond differently to stimulation than their extroverted counterparts. This is very apparent when it comes to learning conditions. While introverts do best in quiet environments, extroverts thrive with more noise (Colin DeYoung, assistant professor of psychology at the University of Minnesota).

“Introverts have social skills, they like people, and they enjoy some types of socializing.. .[they] enjoy one-on-one conversations, but group activities can be overstimulating and drain energy” (Laney, p.43).

In Carl Gustav Jung‘s typological theories (1923), underpinning the Myers-Briggs personality test, introverts are defined as being drawn to the inner world of thought and feeling, while extroverts are stimulated by the external life of people and activities. However, he noted that no one is a pure extrovert or introvert, they exist on a spectrum, depending on the situation.

As an introvert you have your own set of assets, so how can you leverage your strengths?

  • Use your capacity for reflection by examining your thinking patterns
  • Find an extrovert to promote your strengths
  • Apply your skill for self-directed learning
  • You are likely to be very detail-oriented, have great writing skills and are able to focus on what needs to be done.
  • Usually plan what you are going to say before you say it, think things through and make informed decisions based on fact finding.
  • Skilled at solving complex problems as you are taking the time to carefully analyze the issues at hand.

Want to hear more?
In her inspirational TED talk, Susan Cain, an accomplished lawyer and best-selling author shares her own lived experience as an introvert along with common myths about introversion.

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References

Cain, S. (2012). Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World that Can’t Stop Talking. New York, NY: Crown Publishers.

Jung, C. G. (1923). Psychological types. Edinburgh, G.B.: The Edinburgh Press.

Laney, M. O. (2002). The introvert advantage: How to thrive in an extrovert world. New York: Workman Publishing. I73

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