Trying for a BABY can put a strain on your RELATIONSHIP

Image courtesy of “smarnad″

Image courtesy of “smarnad″

Trying for a baby is supposed to be one of the most exciting and fun time in your relationship. However, when it does not happen as quickly as planned it can put an enormous strain on a relationship. It is estimated that 10 to 15 percent of couples in Australia will have difficulty conceiving a child.

Conceiving a baby is not as easy as many people think. Even a completely healthy couple under optimal conditions only has a 20-25 percent chance of conceiving each month. Trying for a baby often requires patience and managing disappointment during this emotional roller-coaster ride of anticipation, hope and despair.

When it seems that your entire life revolves around having a healthy baby, an again negative pregnancy test takes its toll on your confidence and your relationship.

Social encounters can become like a mind field when having to navigate questions about having a baby or facing announcements of other pregnancies or births.

Everyone is different, dealing with conception difficulties in their own way. Some people may become distant or depressed, detaching themselves from a relationship that in their eyes has failed them. Either partner may exhibit negative emotions such as anger, hostility, isolation, feeling blamed, unsupported, overwhelmed, misunderstood, and worries about a possible break-up of the relationship.

How can you support yourself and your relationship?

Struggling to have a baby causes distress and brings up intense emotions. It is important to acknowledge these difficult feelings so you can get in touch with your needs.

Where are you at? One way to express yourself is through writing maybe by keeping a journal. Social psychologist Jamie Pennebaker conducted research on the benefits for mental and physical health from writing about negative feelings and experiences. Expressing yourself and your thoughts, worries and emotions, is channelling what you are going through in a constructive way.

You and your partner are in this together – which makes it important for both of you to be supportive of each other. Communicate openly and share your feelings with each other. Discuss your frustrations, emotions, and anything else that the conception process brings up. Talking with and listening to each other can further mutual understanding, help bring you closer and deepen your relationship.

Get information on what you are going through. Knowing what to expect not only helps to validate what you are going through but also eliminate some uncertainty.

Join a support group. It can feel pretty isolating when all your friends and family are either pregnant or already have children. Sharing your experience with other couples and hearing them discuss the same frustrations helps to realize that you are not alone. Here’s a contact in the Melbourne area:

Attend a fertility yoga class to nourish and stimulate the reproductive organs, reduce stress and relax the mind and body:

See a psychotherapist or counsellor to resolve emotional blocks around falling pregnant: or

Choose a mind-body approach as your ability to conceive is deeply influenced by the complex interaction between physiological, psychological, and emotional factors. Emotional and psychological issues around conceiving are held on a conscious or unconscious level. Often successful conceptions happens once these underlying causes are explored and life style changes (e.g. environment, food, exercise, stress levels, sleep, satisfaction with life) have been made.

Check out our upcoming preconception workshop: We’ll address anxiety and worries around falling pregnant and you will learn simple but effective techniques to support reproductive health and aid in conception:

Follow Me on Pinterest


About Mensch - Connecting Mind Body Breath

I am committed to provide empowering information, to help you cope with painful emotions and support you towards personal growth and development. I combine my PhD in Psychology with 15 years of practical experience in counselling across clinical, corporate and community settings. Contact me on 0426 558 562 for a FREE 10-minute phone consultation to talk about your needs or write me a quick email at
This entry was posted in Counselling & Stress Management. Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s